Act 1: Scene 1
Fade In:
INT. Theater Onstage
A crowd laughs from a dark theater, at a comedy Queen.
Nancy Shrew, sixties mod, flipped wig, herringbone dress & thigh-high boots, sashays across the stage, thin, 30’s.
Nancy: I loved Clue the board game as a kid, Miss scarlet with the Rope in the Library, Mrs. Peacock with the Gun in the Observatory but… as an adult… as an adult… I’m more interested in Professor Plumb with his big pipe in the bedroom. Wink, wink. (Crowds laughs)
And don’t even get me started on that electro-fetish game for children, for children, “Operation.” (mimes electrocution) Shame on you Hasbro.
Dissolves to:
INT. Backstage Theater - Evening
Stage hands bustle about a dark, musty narrow, backstage, getting reading for lightning and musical cues.
Andy, pretty, with shaggy surfer blonde hair, long eyelashes, androgynous style, bobs and weaves through the chaos.
Stagehand 1: Better hurry kid, sounds like she’s got the crowd wound up.
Stagehand 2: hey kid, where ya been?
INT. Dressing Room - Evening
Andy enters puts mail and packages down and begins opening / organizing them.
Nancy Shrew enters begins to undress.
Nancy: how do you drown an actress?
Andy: put a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
Nancy: atta girl. Now tell me darling, what sort of grandiose invites to summer fetes and one person shows at Carnegie Hall have I received tonight? Or is it all just boxes of Tiffany diamonds and offers of marriage?
Andy: well, your agent Mrs. Shwarma-Lee has an opportunity for you to be the face of Mrs. Wiener’s Pot Beaners Brownies, there is casting call for “So You Think You Can Bake A Husband Out of GingerBread”, Alyssa Milano wants you on her podcast “A Murder Of Hoes”, your on-going Twitter beef with Kelly Ripa continues, & you have been invited to participate in some sort of murder competition on an island.
Nancy: set-up a call with Schwarms on all but the island thing. You do that. Unless it’s televised. Is it televised?
Andy: it doesn’t say it is.
Nancy: so it’s a webcam show. does it pay if I don’t win?
Andy: No…
Nancy: then you go. You said you wanted more opportunities, here is an opportunity.
Andy: but it’s for you.
Nancy: an unpaid cam show, they will take what they can get which is you. (Puts fingers to lips) This is your chance little bird. Every little starlings dream, to get fake murdered on a cam show that you can use to pad your IMDB resume. Go, kill your way through the Internet. Make mamma proud.
Fade to black.
